New Year

The babies are asleep and I'm awake sitting in the living room thinking about this past year, so I decided to write down my thoughts here.  

Exactly one year ago I was feeling more hopeless than I've ever felt.  I was threatening (myself) to stop fertility treatments if it didn't work again.  I was telling myself it just wasn't going to happen... My body couldn't do it.  I told myself I would take Clomid ONE more time and then I was done.  I felt like crap every time I had to take Clomid, and I was done with it.  Then on January 28th I started what I told myself was my last round of Clomid.  This time the doctor suggested we add Dexamethasone to it to see if that works.  When it worked and I ACTUALLY ovulated, I got a little hopeful.  I was told there were 9 eggs.  9!!!  The doctor told me, "If it works, there'll be 2 babies max.  No more than 2!"  We went in for our IUI procedure on February 8 and on the 17th I got a positive pregnancy test.  It was so exciting to find out we were finally going to have a baby!  We went in for 3 blood tests before they scheduled an ultrasound.  Our first ultrasound was on March 12th and we were told we were having 3 babies.  Shock, excitement, fear... Those were just a few of the emotions I felt!  Mark couldn't even speak!  Then the doctor came in with a shocked look on his face and told us how dangerous a triplet pregnancy can be and all of the things that could go wrong.  I could go into labor at 20 weeks and none of the babies make it, I could have them at 24 weeks and they survive but all have neurological problems.  He suggested that we look into a fetal reduction.  When we went in for our 2nd ultrasound a week later and Mark could actually speak, he asked the doctor, "how long does she have to make it for the babies to be ok?  34 weeks?"  The doctor said, "she won't make it 34 weeks with triplets."  Yes, it seems a bit straight forward, but that was the thing I loved about this doctor from the first time I met him.  He was honest.  He didn't give me false hope through any of it.

So Mark and I had a very difficult discussion...  Fetal reduction?  I said no from the beginning.  The first time the doctor said the words I told him no thanks, but the doctor mentioned that my health could be in jeopardy and that scared both of us.  We decided neither of us would ever go through with a fetal reduction, but we told my doctor we would meet with the high risk doctor and talk to her about it, just so we had all of the information.  We met with Dr. Manisha Gandhi and she was also very honest.  There isn't much info on triplet pregnancies.  She sees lots of triplet pregnancy losses, and since she's been practicing, (she is pretty young) she has seen about 10 of her patients give birth to viable triplets and 8 of those sets of triplets went home healthy.  I had a 10% chance of something happening to the babies in the first 24 weeks, with a twin pregnancy I had a 5% chance, so the statistics were pretty close.  We knew that since we had beaten other statistics (my egg count being so high the doctor was convinced it was a lab error, and having a less than 1% chance of conceiving triplets), we could beat this 10% statistic.  We scheduled to go back to see Dr. Gandhi and have her be my OB and do my delivery.

We went in for our first appointment to be a part of Baylor's Program for Multiples.  We had an ultrasound, met with a dietician, geneticist, and Dr. Gandhi again and we were determined to have 3 healthy babies.  My goal was for each baby to be over 5 pounds but multiple people told me that was kind of unrealistic, so I settled with healthy, no matter what they weighed.  Every morning Mark packed a bag of snacks and juices for me to take to work.  I needed to gain at least 60 pounds and I needed to eat something every 2 hours according to this book we read about having a successful multiples pregnancy.

At 24 weeks I was put on modified bed rest.  I stopped working at that point and focused on gaining weight and keeping still as much as possible.  I read somewhere that when I moved or walked around, it took energy away from the babies.  I needed them getting as much of my food and energy as possible.  I slept about 16 hours a day (I was always exhausted), ate constantly and drank more water than I've ever drinken in my life.  Mark woke up early before work every day and made me 3 eggs, toast, and put a glass of milk in the freezer for me.  This was my one craving.  I drank a gallon of milk a day, but it had to be ICE cold, so the glass of milk had to be put in the freezer for 15 minutes so the top was frozen and the milk was very cold.  Mark swears the eggs and milk are what helped the babies to get so big.

We drove the 30-45 minutes to the med center every 2 weeks to see the doctor and have an ultrasound.  It was a bit much, but we didn't mind since it meant that the babies were being monitored so closely.  My c-section was scheduled for September 30, 35 weeks and 3 days.  I was positive I would make it that far.  The day that marked 34 weeks of pregnancy, I told Mark I wanted to go see our fertility doctor and yell at him for laughing and saying I wouldn't make it to 34 weeks.  I did not do it, but really wanted to rub it in his face.

Then on Saturday, September 21, I started having pretty bad contractions.  I had an app on my phone that kept track of how close together the contractions were and how long they lasted.  I started having contractions at 20 weeks, but these were close together, 4 minutes apart to be exact.  We called the on call doctor and were told to go to the triage floor at the hospital.  We went, they started the long process of attaching 3 dopplers to my belly to track the heart beats, and then a doctor came in.  Dr. Tobey Stevens.  He was young and super friendly.  I wasn't dilated, so they gave me fluids to stop the contractions.  It worked and we were sent home. We realized we were very unprepared.  We didn't have bags packed or anything!

All day on Sunday I was having contractions but I was drinking water to try to stop them.  Fluids stopped them at the hospital, surely it would stop them at home.  We decided to pack bags just in case.  I went to sleep Sunday night with a little discomfort, but I had gained 71 pounds, I always had discomfort.  I woke up at midnight because the contractions were getting worse.  Mark and I sat in the living room for about an hour and a half.  I was counting contractions on my phone and drinking glass after glass of water that he was bringing me.  After all this water, I had to go to the restroom.  Around 1:45 I went to the bathroom and felt sick. I stood up, and immediately leaned over the bath tub and started throwing up.  In the middle of that, there was this giant rush of fluid that came out of me and when I looked down all I saw was red.  I was convinced it was gallons and gallons of blood.  Mark and I stood there staring at each other while it was happening, both on shock.  We didn't know what was happening.  He grabbed the bags we had just packed, threw me a robe that I had before I was pregnant, so it was small, slipped some shoes on and we were out the door.  I called my mom and told her to go to the hospital.  I called Marks mom but she didn't answer so I decided to call the doctor to let them know we were coming and I was bleeding profusely.  At some point Mark got ahold of his mom and we were all set, speeding down I-45 at 2 am.  I prayed the whole drive that baby A was ok.  Contractions were getting so bad and I was convinced that the red liquid I saw was baby A's blood.  We got to the hospital and Mark threw the keys to the valet, ran to get a wheelchair and ran me up to the 11th floor.  We had to get past the security guard and once we did the nurse looked at my legs that still had red liquid on them and said, "Honey, that's amniotic fluid.  Your water broke."  All I could think was, "That sucks.  My c-section is scheduled for next Monday, so I guess the doctor is going to have to do something to fix this so the babies stay in for another week."  I realize this sounds dumb, but I was determined to make it to the 30th!  That's when I realized I was wearing a tank top, underwear, no shoes and a pre-pregnancy robe that didn't even come close to closing in the front.  The valet, security guard, and any innocent bystander that we passed saw me in my tank top and panties, and I didn't even care! Once I got into the room the nurses came in again, and started the daunting task of setting up 3 dopplers.  They couldn't find baby A's heart beat.  I was panicking.  Then they found it.  She was as low as she could possibly be without popping out of me.  The nurse couldn't attach a band to this Doppler, it was too low, so she had to hold it.  Then I remember our parents showing up and pulling a blanket over myself so they didn't see that the nurse was holding a Doppler in my crotch. I remember Dr. Stevens walking and and thinking how I was glad he was here because I liked him so much that first night I saw him.  I don't remember a lot after that.  I went into the operating room without Mark and there was this really sweet older lady who was talking to me and explaining that they were going to start my epidural.  I was having horrible contractions so I didn't care.  I looked around and it was a huge room!  There was at least 30 people there and I saw 2 little beds ready for babies (the 3rd bed was in a separate room because there wasn't enough room in the operating room).  Once I was lying down I remember asking every person I saw if they were going to go get my husband, and telling them they couldn't start until my husband was there.  I told one nurse that he was the man sitting in the hall wearing the scrubs and his name was Mark if she wanted to go get him.  It was 5 am, he was the only person in the hall, I think she thought I was crazy!

Mark walked in and I got sick.  It was kind of a blur, but I remember the doctor saying that Baby A was a girl and Mark saying, "whoa, that's a big kid!"  Then the doc said that Baby B was a girl and after what seemed like forever, that Baby C was a boy and hearing all of them crying.  I could see B and C because they were to my left but A was in the separate room.  The nurses brought me each baby to look at after they set up their IVs and I got to see and touch each baby before they were taken to the NICU.  After they left, I passed out.  I was exhausted.  I woke up in the recovery room and my mom, my in laws, and my grandma were there.  Mark came in, showed me pictures of the babies on his phone, gave me my charm bracelet that he had added a Mommy charm to, and then took our moms to see the babies.  My doctor, Dr. Gandhi came in to tell me she just got to the hospital and she spoke to Dr. Stevens about my delivery.  She said she went to see the babies and they looked fantastic!  I passed out again.  The next time I woke up I was in a hospital room and they were trying to move me into a hospital bed.  That day was kind of a blur.  It's sad, but true!  I don't know why, but I kept getting sick and when I tried to get into a wheelchair to go to the NICU to meet my babies, I got dizzy and my nurse made me get back into bed.  I was so upset!  Then I finally got into a wheelchair and got to go see my babies!  They were so big I didn't believe they were all mine.  I knew I was big, but I didn't think I was big enough to have ALL of those babies inside of me.  I kept looking at them and trying to figure out how they all fit in my belly.  They were all over 5 pounds (not such an unrealistic goal after all) and they were like, real babies!  I was in awe for awhile. There were 3 of them. And they were all mine (and Mark's)!

Then we started our lives as a family of 5.  And now I'm sitting here watching 3 sleeping 3 month olds on a monitor, hoping the fireworks don't wake them up, wondering how this year went by so fast.  It has been the most difficult, stressful, scariest year of my life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Also, I sent my first doctor the babies' birth announcement and wrote a note on the back about how I made it 34 weeks and 3 days and how the babies were all home within 12 days of being born and are totally healthy.  He personally called me when he received it to congratulate me and to ask how Mark was doing.  That's right, after 10 months, he remembered the dad who went into total shock at the news of triplets and wanted to check on him!

And that was my year :) totally revolved around pregnancy and babies!

Happy New Year!!!